the agony and pain from losing you. is it better then to not have you at all and save myself from all these torture of losing you?

because this world is all about suffering. everyone makes you suffer knowingly and unknowingly and because of that I will only choose those who are worth suffering for.
and i will give everything to have ever hold you in my arms, to feel the same flow within us, to experience a moment of forever .
it might seem illogical. to have it and lose it and not having at all isnt it all the same? no it’s not. and love is irrational. my world have changed just having had you. even if you’re not here anymore, it doesnt matter. every ‘was’ and ‘had’ made a difference.
even if now, i’m still alone.
we humans are best at creating our own reality. the thing that makes us different is our imagination. i can always imagine you here with me. in the wind around me, in every back view i see, in my dreams and in every breath.
i guess it’s better having and losing than not having at all.
but
wouldnt it be the best
if you dont leave?